If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
This is one of Jesus' most jarring statements, and he delivers it to large crowds trailing after him. The word "hate" here is a Semitic way of expressing extreme prioritization — not a call to cruelty or contempt toward loved ones. In the first century, loyalty to family was the deepest social obligation a person carried. Jesus lists father, mother, spouse, children, siblings, and finally one's own life — every source of love and security a person has. He is saying that if any of those relationships ever competes with following him, there can be no contest. Discipleship, Jesus is insisting, is total. It cannot be one compartment of life alongside other compartments.
Lord, this is a hard word. I love the people around me deeply, and I want to honor them. But I don't want that love to become a ceiling on how far I'll follow you. Help me to love the people in my life more truly by keeping you first — even when that costs me something real. Amen.
We imagine that faith is supposed to bring families together — better marriages, closer households, children who respect their elders. Sometimes it does. But Jesus doesn't promise harmony. He promises something more unsettling: that following him may create friction exactly where you expected peace. Maybe you've already felt it — the Thanksgiving table where your faith feels like a foreign language. The parent who can't understand the changes they're seeing in you. The spouse who wonders where the old you went. Jesus isn't telling you to love those people less. He's asking whether, when your love for them and your call to follow him pull in opposite directions, you know which way you're walking. That's not a comfortable question. It's not supposed to be.
What do you think Jesus means by "hate" in this verse, and how does that fit with his other teachings about loving your neighbor?
Have you ever experienced real tension between your faith and your family relationships — and how did you navigate it?
Why do you think Jesus specifically named the people we love most, rather than strangers or enemies, as potential obstacles to discipleship?
How might keeping Jesus as your first loyalty actually change the quality of love you offer to the people closest to you?
Is there a relationship in your life right now where loyalty to that person is quietly competing with your commitment to follow Jesus — and what would it look like to reorder that?
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psalms 73:26
And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily , and follow me.
Luke 9:23
But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.
Acts 20:24
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
Psalms 73:25
Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
Philippians 3:8
He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.
John 12:25
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.
Matthew 19:29
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 10:37
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life [in the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his attitude toward God]—he cannot be My disciple.
AMP
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
ESV
'If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.
NASB
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.
NIV
“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
NKJV
“If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else — your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters — yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.
NLT
"Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple.
MSG