Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.
The book of Proverbs is a collection of wisdom sayings compiled largely during the reign of King Solomon in ancient Israel, written primarily to help young people make good decisions as they navigate life. This verse addresses the relationship between adult children and their parents, and it does so in two specific ways. The first part — "listen to your father, who gave you life" — grounds parental authority in the most fundamental gift imaginable: existence itself. The second part — "do not despise your mother when she is old" — addresses a specific temptation that becomes real as parents age: the quiet drift toward impatience, dismissal, or contempt. The Hebrew word translated "despise" suggests treating someone as worthless or as a burden — something the writer clearly sees as a real and common danger worth naming directly.
God, the relationships with parents are not always simple, and you know the full story of mine. Give me the grace to honor without pretending, to love without erasing what's real. Where there is distance or old pain, bring healing — and help me take whatever step I can. Amen.
There's an honesty in the second half of this verse that's a little uncomfortable. It doesn't say "don't neglect your mother" or "remember to call." It says don't *despise* her — a word that implies contempt, dismissal, treating someone as irrelevant to your real life. The writer of Proverbs wasn't inventing a hypothetical. They were describing something they'd clearly seen happen: the slow, barely-noticeable process by which a child grows up, gets busy, and starts to treat an aging mother as a burden rather than a person with a full interior life. Maybe you have a complicated relationship with a parent — one where "listen to your father" lands with some irony, or where the history is real and unresolved. This verse doesn't ask you to pretend that history doesn't exist, or to agree with things you can't agree with. But it does ask something harder: that you hold onto honor even when it doesn't come naturally. Honor isn't the same as agreement. It's a decision to treat someone as having inherent worth — not because they've earned it in every moment, but because they gave you life, and that isn't nothing. For some of us, on some days, that quiet choice is its own act of grace.
The verse roots the call to honor parents in the gift of life itself — not in whether those parents were consistently good or loving. Do you think that's a fair basis for honor? Where does that hold up for you, and where does it get genuinely complicated?
The writer specifically singles out despising an aging mother. Why do you think older parents might be particularly at risk of being treated with impatience or dismissal by adult children — and have you seen that happen?
There's a real difference between honor and agreement, between respect and unconditional approval. How do you hold onto honor for a parent when the relationship is difficult, or when real harm has been done?
How does the way you treat your parents — or older people in your life more broadly — shape how the people watching you (including your own children, if you have them) learn to treat others?
Is there a specific, concrete way you could show honor to a parent or an older person in your life this week — not out of guilt, but as a genuine, chosen act of love?
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
Ephesians 6:2
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Proverbs 1:8
My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Proverbs 6:20
The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.
Proverbs 30:17
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
Matthew 15:4
Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.
Leviticus 19:3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1
Listen to your father, who sired you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.
AMP
Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
ESV
Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.
NASB
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
NIV
Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.
NKJV
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.
NLT
Listen with respect to the father who raised you, and when your mother grows old, don't neglect her.
MSG