And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Jesus is giving his disciples a step-by-step process for handling conflict within a community of faith. This is the third step in a sequence: first, go to the person who wronged you privately; if they won't listen, bring one or two others as witnesses; if they still refuse, bring it before the wider church community. If even that fails, Jesus says to treat the person as you would "a pagan or a tax collector." In first-century Israel, tax collectors were Jewish people who collected taxes for the Roman occupiers — they were widely seen as traitors and social outcasts. "Pagan" simply meant a non-Jewish outsider. While this sounds like rejection, it's worth noting that Jesus himself regularly sought out, ate with, and extended grace to both groups — so the phrase likely means treating someone as a person who needs grace offered from outside the community, not as an enemy to be cast away.
Father, give me the courage to go directly to people instead of around them. Teach me to want restoration more than I want to be right. When conflict feels too costly to address honestly, remind me that you pursued me across every distance. Help me love people the way you do — honestly, and without giving up. Amen.
There's something almost startling about Jesus having a *process* for conflict. Step one, step two, step three — it reads more like a policy manual than the Sermon on the Mount. But the structure is the point. Jesus is pushing against the two extremes most of us default to: either we go silent and let resentment calcify quietly over years, pretending everything is fine, or we skip every step and go straight to scorched earth. He's mapping a third way — slow, uncomfortable, relational work aimed at restoration rather than vindication. The hardest part of this passage isn't the final step. It's the first one — going privately to the person who hurt you, before you've told anyone else, before you've had time to rehearse your case in the shower. Most of us are far better at processing conflict with everyone *except* the person involved. We workshop it with friends, replay it on the drive home, bring it to God — but rarely go directly to the source. Jesus asks for something more vulnerable than venting: a real conversation, with the actual person, toward the actual goal he names a verse earlier — winning them back. This week, is there someone you've been processing *around* instead of talking *to*?
Jesus gives a specific, ordered process for conflict rather than simply saying 'forgive and move on' — what does that tell you about how seriously he takes both truth and relationship at the same time?
Think about a conflict you've navigated recently — which of Jesus's steps did you skip, and what made direct conversation feel too risky or too costly?
The final instruction to treat someone 'as a pagan or tax collector' sounds harsh — but Jesus famously welcomed those exact people. What do you think he actually means by that phrase, and does it change how you read it?
How might a community — a family, a friend group, a church — be different if people actually followed this process? What would it cost in terms of comfort, pride, and convenience?
Is there a conflict in your life right now where you already know what step you're supposed to take but haven't taken it? What is one thing that would make that step more possible?
Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
2 Thessalonians 3:6
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Colossians 3:13
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
James 5:16
And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
Matthew 16:18
A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject;
Titus 3:10
But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
1 Corinthians 5:11
Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?
1 Corinthians 6:1
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Luke 17:3
If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile (unbeliever) and a tax collector.
AMP
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
ESV
'If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
NASB
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
NIV
And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
NKJV
If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
NLT
If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love.
MSG