Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
The church in Corinth had sent Paul a letter with specific questions about marriage and sexuality. Some people in the early church had concluded that true spiritual growth required complete abstinence from physical intimacy, even within marriage. Paul corrects this firmly. He says that within marriage, choosing to withhold physical intimacy from your spouse is only appropriate under three conditions: it must be mutually agreed upon, it must be for a limited and defined time, and it must be for a focused spiritual purpose — such as concentrated prayer. He then adds a frank, practical reason: extended abstinence without agreement makes both partners unnecessarily vulnerable to temptation. This is one of the most candid and realistic passages in the New Testament about married life.
Father, You made us for relationship — body and soul — and You called it good. Help us treat the intimacy of marriage with the honesty and care it deserves. Where distance has grown between us, draw us back toward each other. Guard us together from what pulls us apart. Amen.
You don't often hear this verse read from a pulpit, and that silence is a little revealing. Paul is being unusually direct here — and he does it without embarrassment. He's telling married couples that their physical relationship is a spiritual matter. Withdrawing from each other without agreement, without a time limit, and without a clear purpose isn't holiness — it's a crack in the foundation that doesn't have to be there. The connection he draws to prayer isn't decorative. He's saying the physical and spiritual dimensions of a marriage are more tangled together than we usually want to admit in polite religious conversation. What strikes me most is the word 'mutual.' Not one partner's spiritual conviction imposed on the other. Not a quiet withdrawal that goes unnamed for months. Mutual — meaning both people consent, both people know why, and both people know when it ends. This verse treats the physical relationship in marriage as something sacred enough to be discussed honestly and fragile enough to need real, intentional protection. If there is distance in your marriage right now — of any kind — this verse asks a quiet question worth sitting with: is it mutual, is it temporary, and is there something holy filling the space?
What does Paul's reasoning here reveal about how he viewed the human body and physical intimacy within marriage — was he being prudish, surprisingly progressive, or just practical?
Why does Paul insist so strongly on mutual consent? What tends to happen in a marriage when one partner makes this kind of decision alone, without discussion?
This verse implies that physical and spiritual intimacy in marriage are connected. Where have you seen evidence of that connection — or the cost of its absence?
How might treating physical intimacy as something genuinely sacred change the way married couples talk to each other — or avoid talking — about it?
If there is distance in your closest relationship right now, what would it look like to name it honestly and begin closing it — in a real conversation, in prayer together, or in a small act of intentional care?
But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
Matthew 19:11
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
2 Timothy 3:3
Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.
2 Corinthians 2:11
As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them.
Acts 13:2
Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
Matthew 6:16
And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast.
Matthew 9:15
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Proverbs 5:15
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Galatians 6:1
Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control.
AMP
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
ESV
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
NASB
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
NIV
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
NKJV
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
NLT
Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.
MSG